[One Direction] Heaven and Hell, Chapter Three.

[avalicious]

ermgaersh

i have spent forevveeer trying to write this

but finally, the ideas came to me earlier today is history. so here we are.

The whispers grew louder and more frantic as I searched for an exit. The foreign feeling of claustrophobia set in, effectively forcing me to hyperventilate, sliding my hand along the wall, hoping for some sort of hidden claymation-style trap door, My legs pounded along the gray concrete.

My chest heaved up and down as I felt my eyes prickle with worried tears, a dry sob leaking from between the crevice of my cracked lips.
I forced my feet one after the other in a hurried run, my knees shaking.

Where am I?

I stopped running as my hand began to sting. I yanked it from the wall, examining the damage. A single drop of blood slithered down my arm, pooling on the floor as it dripped off of me.

I woke up startled, frightened, and disheveled. My head whipped in all directions as I wiped off the warm sweat drops sliding down my forehead. I gasped, desperate for air. My eyes fluttered as they tried to get a grip on the atmosphere.

[Sienna]

Ohhhh. Intense. The second paragraph is worded a little funky, but in my opinion, overall there's nothing to shred because it's written well and it's very intriguing, and it actually makes me want to go and read your story even though I think I read the first chapter already.

[Princess Cliche]

Oct 3, 2012 16:14:40 GMT -5 avalicious said:

The whispers grew louder and more frantic as I searched for an exit. The foreign feeling of claustrophobia set in, effectively forcing me to hyperventilate, sliding my hand along the wall, hoping for some sort of hidden claymation-style trap door, My legs pounded along the gray concrete.

That last sentence seems wrong. Should a period have been put before 'My legs' instead of a comma?

My chest heaved up and down as I felt my eyes prickle with worried tears, a dry sob leaking from between the crevice of my cracked lips.
I forced my feet one after the other in a hurried run, my knees shaking.

Where am I?

I stopped running as my hand began to sting. I yanked it from the wall, examining the damage. A single drop of blood slithered down my arm, pooling on the floor as it dripped off of me.

[/i]

I woke up startled, frightened, and disheveled. My head whipped in all directions as I wiped off the warm sweat drops sliding down my forehead. I gasped, desperate for air. My eyes fluttered as they tried to get a grip on the atmosphere.
[/quote]

Other than that, I loved it.

[avalicious]

@sienna

thank you I'll try to fix that. and omggg

but the second chapter is short, and I most likely wont update this new chapter until friday or saturday, lol.

@alyssa

thank you! I totally see what you mean. it is a bit long and weird, isn't it? I'll fix that

[Sienna]

Woo hoooo. I'm gonna start reading this story'