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Post by danielle on Oct 3, 2012 21:41:32 GMT -5
I just posted the prologue to a new Harry AU, and I'd love some feedback on it! Here's the link!Thank you so much! |
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Princess Cliche
Permanent Peasant and Servant to Timothy
I have challenged Skippa, and lived to tell the tale.
Posts: 471
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Post by Princess Cliche on Oct 3, 2012 21:45:04 GMT -5
I'll leave my feedback here, cuz I'm too lazy to log in 1DFF.
I liked it, it's rather intrigueing, though the plot moved a little quickly.
Then again, it's the first chapter, so I'm guessing it's not the full plot.
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Post by danielle on Oct 3, 2012 21:48:05 GMT -5
Thank you! I feel that way too, but I felt like I had to sort of introduce the "meat" of the plot.
The rest of the story should move a little slower.
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a
Drabble Squire
Hypnotized by drums, until forever comes
Posts: 244
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Post by a on Oct 3, 2012 21:54:40 GMT -5
I feel like it waa choppy and confusing. The first paragraph made no sense and I couldn't really tell what kind of POV it was. There were commas when there shouldn't have been and also the grammar/english was wrongish. I don't feel like it was clear since I was confused while reading it.
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Post by danielle on Oct 3, 2012 22:00:18 GMT -5
I guess I'm having trouble working out the plot.
Because I have it all down, I just don't know how to make it clear.
Hopefully the rest will be better.
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a
Drabble Squire
Hypnotized by drums, until forever comes
Posts: 244
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Post by a on Oct 3, 2012 22:04:11 GMT -5
I guess I'm having trouble working out the plot. Because I have it all down, I just don't know how to make it clear. Hopefully the rest will be better. yeah i know what you mean (: Unfortunately I'm a perfectionist so what I write has to be perfect otherwise I will just delete it and keep editing it. |
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Post by danielle on Oct 3, 2012 22:07:03 GMT -5
I get that haha!
I was just feeling inspired I guess, so I just kind of posted it.
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a
Drabble Squire
Hypnotized by drums, until forever comes
Posts: 244
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Post by a on Oct 4, 2012 17:48:05 GMT -5
haha you're better than me
at least you post your stories
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