[One Direction] Zero Degrees

[avalicious]

merp

here goes


Oh, there will be alot of <i>'s, but just ignore them because they're italics on the 1dff fanfiction site.

Zero Degrees

That day was still fresh in Harry’s mind. It creeps into his dreams, morphing them into nightmares. It creeps on him when he sees girls that resemble her in the audience during concerts. It ruins his day when the memory hits him and he just wants to curl up into a ball and cry all day. It would be far from the truth to say he hadn’t done just that before. It would be far from the truth to say that he only did that on occasions. And of course he hadn’t let any of the other band mates see, and he definitely didn’t let Reece see. He kept this sort of thing to himself; just as he kept the pictures of her to himself. Harry thought he was a pathetic hot mess when those days come. Those days that haunted him at least three times a week. Even with Reece, nothing could ever fill that void in his heart that Melody left him.

It wasn’t even when he thought about her really unpleasant departure from the world that broke his strong barrier. No, it was when he thought about the happy times. The times that he would walk into Melody’s apartment with Chinese food in hand, preparing for an amazing evening, only to hear her yelling out random phrases in the shower. Or that time that Melody had ran into his apartment with a red sheet tied around her neck, yelling “Have no fear! Supergirl is here!” The times that she made Harry laugh until his sides hurt.

Today was <i> not </i> one of those days. Today was one of those days that give Harry a reason to be ecstatic, Melody completely off of his mind. Today was one of those days that Melody hadn’t gotten a chance to creep into his mind yet. Today, Harry Styles and his new fiancée, Reece Lawrence, were going on their engagement vacation.


I have a ton more, but like. It can't be that long. so just give me some critiques on this, yeah?

[a]

Creeps should be creeped, DON'T LEAVE THE ED OUT
because we don't want it to be lonely.
don't use creep so much - instead use synonoms for that word?
and you need to break the paragraph so it doesn't go on and on.. like this

Bob met Ava. insert random shit here -------------------------------------.
---------------------------
-------

then it should break. like three sentenece or two.

[Maya Your queen.]

Ooooh I don't even think I can critique this.
Holy cliffhanger.
So like........
Who the hell is Melody when he's Engaging Reece?

[Timothy]

I was going to shred the fuck out of this.

But then I was like, I only have one real piece of advice and that is to decide. Are you writing in the present or the past tense? Then stop flip flopping.

If we need to delve into a stylistic shred we can.