Post by Sienna on Sept 26, 2012 22:33:56 GMT -5
Title: Cat Woman
Rating: T
Warnings: Language, References to sexual content.
Word Count: 5,233
Link to original posting of the story: Click here to find the story on 1DFF
Other information: This was my first attempt at writing a humorous story. At the moment this is a one shot that I will probably not extend, but I'd love for someone to critique my grammar, writing style, and the overall effect of the story. Help me out? Thanks babes.
Rating: T
Warnings: Language, References to sexual content.
Word Count: 5,233
Link to original posting of the story: Click here to find the story on 1DFF
Other information: This was my first attempt at writing a humorous story. At the moment this is a one shot that I will probably not extend, but I'd love for someone to critique my grammar, writing style, and the overall effect of the story. Help me out? Thanks babes.
"Uhm Hi. I'm on my way back from a business meeting and my car just broke down. I called someone to fix it, but it'll be a while until they can get out here because of the weather. I was wondering if I could, uhm, crash here for a couple of hours if that's okay. I mean- I promise I won't rape you or anything."
Pause.
Harry Styles was standing outside my door in the pouring rain at 7 o clock, asking if he could crash for a couple of hours. Harry fucking Styles wanted to crash at my fucking house. Fuck.
Excuse me while I fangirl.
Wait wait wait. Pause the fangirling and rewind just a bit.
He promised not to rape me? Well Mr. Styles, you see, it's not rape if the victim is willing... God, what am I thinking? Keep it together Ryder.
Ok. Back to reality.... Now.
I stared at him in shock, not really knowing what to say, until he shifted his weight from one foot to the other and I could tell that he was getting impatient. "You're H-H-Harry S-S-Styles." I choked out in a voice that sounded like a mix between a nine year old fangirl and a young boy who hadn't hit puberty yet.
As soon as the words left my mouth, I mentally slapped myself while physically clapping my hand over my mouth. Good job Ryder. Way to creep the pop star out before he even steps inside your house. Yeah, you're a real winner.
"Uhm..." Harry took a hesitant step back, but he made sure that he stayed under my porch's roof so that he wouldn't get even wetter than he already was. "Ya know, if it's not a good time for you I can just go to your neighbor's house." he motioned toward the fence that sat between the two yards.
"No!" I shouted, grabbing his arm and jerking him into my house, then immediately closing the door behind him. "You can't go over there!"
Harry looked at me like I had grown a second head. Come on Styles. I'm not that freaky. "Uh, why can't I?" he asked hesitantly.
Oh because my neighbor Alison is a 5'9, perfectly tanned, bleach blonde with a killer rack that I'd give my life for and I have no doubt whatsoever that she would take you straight to her bed and then gloat about it forever. Do you understand how hard it would be for me to water my garden while she leaned over that dang fence and bragged about sleeping with you?
"Because, uhm, my neighbor has scurvy... It's real nasty, ya know." I lied cautiously. "And I don't want you to get infected because then you'll spread it to the rest of your band and then all of One Direction will die which will cause all of your little fangirls to hunt me down because I was the one who let you catch the disease. I mean, do you really want me to be chased by fangirls and possibly burned at the stake?"
Harry ran his right hand through his soaking wet curls causing a few drops of water to run down his face, making a straight path right beside his perfect pink lips. Oh those lips. "Uhm, no offense but you seem a little weird. Should I be worried that you're gonna chop up my body and eat me or something like that?" he asked.
I tried to speak, but my words caught in my throat and I ended up making a sound that was a cross between a hiccup and a burp. "No. I promise I'm not crazy." I finally managed, though my cheeks were a flaming red.
Harry shrugged and cocked his head. "Seems convincing enough. Now since I'm gonna crash here, do you mind if I get out of these wet clothes?"
Oh yes. Please take your clothes off Harry Styles.
"Uhm, yeah that's fine, I can, uh, go get you some clothes from, uh, my brother's closet." I stuttered, unnecessarily waving my arms in the direction of my brother's room. Then I turned and made my escape by running up the stairs in a very unladylike manner.
I barreled into my brother's empty room and immediately started digging through his drawers. In record time, I'd discovered a clean pair of sweatpants and a plain white v neck that Harry could borrow. I folded them both neatly and held them in my hands as I walked over to the full length mirror on the door.
I admired my reflection for a moment and quite frankly, I was appalled at what I saw. I was dressed in a silky pink tank top and a matching pair of short shorts. I had big fuzzy cat slippers on my feet and I looked like I had just gotten out of bed. My hair looked like a rat had nested in it and my face was completely devoid of makeup. Ew.
I ran my fingers through my hair quickly, pulling out all of the tangles that I could reach then I grabbed some lipgloss that I had put on my brother's dresser for emergencies like this and ran it across my lips. It was the best that I could do in the short amount of time that I had, but at least my lips would look more kissable. Right?
And with that, I hurried back downstairs.
When I made it back to the foyer, Harry was still awkwardly standing by the door. He wasn't looking at me so I took a moment to admire his backside and I must admit that I liked what I saw. His wet teeshirt was clinging to his back and it looked really damn attractive, his hair was matted down and looked almost straight, little drops of water were dripping rhythmically off of his clothes, and a small puddle had formed around his feet. All in all, It was quite a sight.
"Uhm, Harry? I brought these for you." I announced awkwardly.
He turned to look at me and his bright green eyes bore into my own blue orbs. He gave me a crooked grin as he held his arms out for the clothes. "Thanks."
I nodded and felt my cheeks turn a bit redder than they were before. "You're welcome. I'm just gonna-" I gestured toward the kitchen door to show him that I was gonna give him some privacy to change and I started to walk away.
"No. Stay here." Harry's voice stopped me mid-turn.
I turned back to face him and saw that that same crooked grin was still on his face.
"Cuz ya know, that way I can give you my clothes and you can toss then in the dryer for me." He continued.
Oh. Ooohhh. Okay.
I'd like to say that I stared at the ground whilst he was changing, because that's the type of good girl that I am, but if I said that I'd be lying. In all honesty, my eyes immediately trained upon his teeshirt clad stomach. And thank god, his shirt was the first thing to go. He crossed his arms over his chest and grabbed the hem of his teeshirt with his fingers. Slowly, he raised his arms, pulling the thin cotton material up over his head, where he rubbed it across his curls before holding it out to me.
I held my own arm out and let the teeshirt drop into my hands without removing my eyes from his chest. God his torso was never ending. Perfectly toned, a bit pale, four nipples, very defined v lines. Yup, that's Harry Styles for ya.
Harry let a low chuckle escape his lips and I looked up to see him staring directly at me with a small smirk on his face. I blushed an even deeper crimson, but didn't shy away from his gaze.
He raised one eyebrow as he stared at me and out of the corner of my eye, I saw his finger reach for the button on his jeans. I heard, rather than saw, the snap as they came undone. Harry bent over at the waist and slowly pushed his jeans down, never once breaking eye contact. His stare was challenging, almost as if he were daring me to look down.
I felt my eye twitch. I wanted to look down. But I couldn't because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction that he was looking for. I mentally slapped myself for what I was about to do, but I took a deep breath and did it anyway... I turned around. Score one for Ryder. "I'm going to toss this in the dryer. You can bring those in whenever you feel like it." I announced.
I walked down the hallway to the laundry room and shakily pulled a load of clothes out of the dryer. After I tossed them into a basket, I threw Harry's shirt inside the dryer and sat it on low. As soon as it was rumbling, I leaned against it and inhaled deeply. Why couldn't I just act normal instead of acting like the awkward, quirky, nineteen year old girl that I am? I let out a puff of air and a dry laugh escaped my lips. Me acting normal? Unheard of.
"Here ya go." Harry's voice broke through my thoughts and I turned around to face him. Big mistake.
The little bugger had decided to walk down here in only his boxers, so of course my eyes were immediately drawn to the spot straight below his waist. The slightly damp material was clinging in all the right places and- No. Pull it together Ryder. Be cool. Be sexy. Be like uhhh... A Victoria's Secret model. Yeah you can do that. Give him a sultry stare, straighten your back, and flaunt your boobs. Easy.
I straightened my back, tore my gaze away from his exposed body, and looked him dead in the eye. I smirked when his cocky smile faltered slightly. "Thanks. Just throw them on in here." I said confidently.
Harry stepped beside me, opened the dryer door, and tossed the jeans inside. The bare skin on his arm rubbed against my own bare arm and goosebumps immediately rose up on my skin. To his delight, I jumped and immediately my confidence was gone. Back to being awkward I guess.
Without a word, Harry turned and strode back down the hallway, toward my living room. I followed after him, watching his boxer-clad rear end swing as he walked. When he bent over and picked the sweatpants up off the floor, I thought I was about to die. My ovaries? Pretty much nonexistent at that point. All too soon though, Harry had pulled both the pants and the shirt over his body and turned back around to face me. His now only slightly damp curls were pressed down across his forehead and his eyes were twinkling. "So, Cat Woman, you already know my name, but what name shall I use when addressing you?" he asked.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "My name's Ryder, but uhm why'd you call me Cat Woman?"
Harry raised one thick eyebrow and pointed at my cat slippers. Then he gestured at the wall of cat figurines on the bookshelf. Then he pointed to my pride and joy, Pussy, who was curled up right beside the couch in her pink and fluffy cat bed. "Obviously you like cats. It's not a bad thing though. I like them too."
I giggled a little. "I know. I've read about your love for pussies."
Harry smirked as he plopped down on the couch and made himself at home. It was odd to see a member of the world's most famous boy band sitting on my couch, but I liked it. I liked it a lot.
"Did you?" he asked. "Are you a fan?"
Hell yes. Who in their right mind could ever possibly not be a fan of One Direction?
"Uhm, yeah. I like your music." I said in the most carefree voice that I could muster as I sat down beside him. I added a little giggle at the end too, because I'm cute and girly like that.
Harry chuckled and propped his legs up on the coffee table. "That's cool. Ever been to one of our concerts?"
I pulled my legs up onto the couch and positioned my body so that I was sitting sideways and looking directly at him. Weirdly, I already felt comfortable being around him. Maybe it was because we were in such a personal setting and no one was around to see me make a fool of myself. "Nope. A few of my friends have been, but I never wanted to go."
Harry looked genuinely hurt. "Why not?"
I shrugged and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "I'm not much for the concert scene. I get headaches a lot and all the noise that comes along with a concert doesn't really help with that. I've been to a few, but I only go if I absolutely love the person or people performing."
"So you don't absolutely love One Direction?" Harry asked. He looked confused as if it was absolutely unheard of that anybody would ever dare to not absolutely love them.
I hesitated. "Well... I really am a huge fan, but no, I don't love you enough to put myself in pain."
Harry sighed dramatically. "So if I was to offer you four front row tickets to Friday's show, you wouldn't accept them?"
I thought about it for a minute, making a big show by leaning my chin on my hand and creasing my forehead like I was concentrating really hard. "It depends." I said finally.
Harry leaned forward and focused those pretty green eyes on my face. "It depends on what?"
"Depends on how I feel about you when you leave my house. In the next hour or so, I might decide that you're an awfully arrogant asshole and then of course I'd decline your tickets. But then again, I might decide that you're a pretty cool person and then I'd have to accept." It sounded like pretty good logic to me.
Harry smiled and let his eyes rake over my body. I felt a slight shiver run down my spine. Was he- Oh my god yes he was. Harry Styles was checking me out. He leaned even closer so that his face was mere inches away from mine. "So is there anything that I can do to waver your opinion?" he asked in that amazing husky British accent that shouldn't even be legal because of what it can do to a girl's body.
I literally felt the blood rush to my cheeks as I blushed yet again. I swear that must be some sort of new record. I can see it now. Ryder Dunn, titleholder for most blushes within a single hour. Yup. That was lame. Forget that I ever even thought that.
"I- Uhm- I- Uh- It's a little hot in here isn't it? Do you want something to drink?" I stuttered as I stood up abruptly. I couldn't take the close proximity. It was doing things to my body that I hadn't felt in a long time because I happen to have become quite the prude lately, sitting at home every Friday night with nothing but my Pussy to keep me company. And I'm talking about my cat of course.
To my surprise, and horror, Harry stood up and followed me into the kitchen. As I rummaged through the refrigerator, he leaned against the kitchen counter and traced circles on the granite top. "So where's everybody else that lives here?" He asked after a moment.
"Uhm." I pulled two sodas out of the fridge and handed one to him. I could hear the soothing sound of the rain beating down on the kitchen window as we stood there.. "My mom and dad are at some sort of dinner with their friends and my older brother, Kevin, is away for college right now. That's why it didn't really matter that you borrowed his clothes."
Harry nodded as he reached up toward one of the top cabinets and pulled down a bottle of clear liquid. He inspected the bottle for a moment before he sat it down on the counter and grabbed two glasses.
"Uh what are you doing?" I asked hesitantly.
Harry glanced up. "Ever had Rum and Pepsi?" he asked as he poured about two shots of rum in each glass then poured his soda over one of them and motioned for me to do the same.
I shook my head. "No and we really shouldn't because that's my parent's and-"
Harry held up a hand to stop me. "Don't worry about it. I doubt they'll notice that this much is missing and the Pepsi will dilute it so it's not like you're gonna get smashed."
I frowned but went ahead and poured my soda in the glass with the alcohol like Harry wanted.
Harry gave me a large grin and brought his glass slowly to his lips. After taking a long swig, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and motioned for me to follow him back into the living room. After we'd gotten back into our seats, he spoke. "Have you always lived in L.A?"
I shook my head as I took a sip of my own drink. "No. I used to live over in New York. My mom and dad work for a talent firm that specializes in young artists. Their company was based in L.A. until I turned 14. Then we moved out here and we've been here ever since."
"So you've been here for what? Four or five years?" He questioned.
"Five. I'm nineteen now."
A small smile crossed over Harry's features. "I'm eighteen."
"Does that excite you?" I asked in a teasing voice. "Because I'm an older woman and all."
Harry rolled his eyes. "Like I haven't heard that one before."
I laughed and sat my drink down on the coffee table. I really didn't wanna drink much of it. Then I pulled a pillow onto my lap and squeezed it into my chest. I watched in amusement as my cat hopped onto the couch and settled her big fat butt on Harry's lap. He cracked a grin, flashing a perfect set of pearly whites, and started rhythmically petting her soft yellow fur. "What's his name?"
"He is a she and her name is Pussy. She's my pride and joy." I admitted.
Harry's sudden chuckle vibrated his whole body and it made me smile despite myself. I loved the way that his eyes crinkled when he laughed and his smile made his whole face light up. As I watched him, my phone rang and scared the shit out of me. I picked it up off of the coffee table and looked at the caller I.D. "I gotta take this. I'll be right back."
Harry nodded so I quickly got up and walked into the kitchen. As I pressed the accept button, I leaned against the door frame so that I could still see Harry. He was leaning back against the couch with his eyes closed as he ran his finger's through Pussy's fur.
"Hello? Ryder? Are you there? Did your ass press accept again? Am I talking to you or your ass? Hellooooo!?"
I laughed into the phone at the sound of my best friend's rambling. "Hi Lizzie. You're talking to me, not my ass. What do you want?"
Lizzie's voice was shrill and demanding as she answered me. That's the Lizzie that I knew and loved. Bitchy and bossy. "I want to know why your lazy ass isn't sitting at the computer tweeting me back. What could you possibly be doing at 7:30 on a Tuesday besides sitting at the computer? It's raining outside so I know you're not out there. And if you have friends over and you didn't invite me, I'm gonna be so pissed off. Do you have someone over?"
I shook my head, then I realized that she couldn't see me. Blonde moment. Before I spoke, I glanced at Harry and realized that he had his eyes open and he was looking right at me. "Nope. Of course I don't have anyone over." I said.
As soon as the words left my mouth, that curly haired devil on my couch gave me a wink then started singing loudly as he continued to pet my cat.
"I love little pussy,
Her coat is so warm,
And if I don't hurt her,
She'll do me no harm,
So I'll not pull her tail,
Nor drive her away,
But pussy and I,
Very gently will play."
Lizzie's voice was quiet as she spoke. "Uhm, Ryder, who does that angelic voice belong to and why is he singing about a pussy?"
"You won't believe me if I tell you." I said slowly.
Lizzie's voice sounded faint when she replied. "Try me."
I took a deep breath then let everything out as quickly as I could. "Uh, Harry Styles's car broke down outside my house so he's crashing here for an hour or two, and he took some of my parent's alcohol, and then he started playing with my Pussy, and now he's singing to her and-"
Lizzie let out a shriek. "Oh my god! Why is he singing to it!? And why are you on the phone while this happens!? How do you even stand it!? You don't even sound out of breath. Babe, hang up and call me back after you hit your cl-"
"Oh my god Lizzie stop!" I shouted. "If you say climax, I will personally come over there and rip all of your Ed Sheeran posters off of your walls. I am talking about my cat. He is playing with my cat!" I glanced at Harry as I spoke and horrifically, I saw that he was rolling around in the floor from laughing his ass off. No seriously. He was literally in the floor. I'm guessing that he heard every word. "Lizzie listen, I gotta go. I'll call you later. Kay?"
"Okay but don't forget to get him naked and take pictures!" she shouted.
"Uh huh. Whatever. Bye Lizzie."
"Bye Bye Ry Ry!" she called.
I rolled my eyes and clicked end call then walked back over to Harry, who was sitting up in the floor with his back against the couch. "Who was that?" he asked, stifling a laugh.
"My best friend Lizzie. She wants me to get nude pictures of you for her." I said with a serious face.
Harry's face was just as serious as he replied. "I have a couple on my phone. Would you like me to email them to her?"
I stared at him for a minute before I burst out laughing. But I stopped as soon as I realized that he wasn't laughing with me. "You're joking right?" I asked.
Harry shook his head. "No."
"Oh." I said awkwardly, my cheeks burning.
Harry stayed serious for just a few seconds before he cracked up too. "Joking." he breathed out.
I rubbed the back of my neck, laughed awkwardly, and plopped down on the floor beside him. "So what kind of horrid song was that?" I asked.
Harry snorted. "It wasn't a song. It was an old nursery rhyme that my grandpa used to recite."
I quirked an eyebrow. "Oh okay." I said and suddenly we were thrown into an awkward silence. We both just sat there and I fiddled with a loose string on my shorts while Harry typed away on his cellphone. I noticed randomly that Harry's glass was empty and he'd stolen a few sips from mine. I could also see, through the window, that the pouring rain hadn't let up in the slightest and the sky was pitch black.
After a couple of minutes passed, The sound of a car pulling up made both mine and Harry's heads snap up. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds before he pushed himself off of the ground. "It's for me. Hold on just a second."
I nodded and sat there in the floor while he walked out of the living room. I heard his heavy footsteps as he walked down the hall and opened the door. Then I heard a couple of hushed voices and I immediately got nervous. What kind of people was this pop star letting into my house? When I heard footsteps coming back toward me, more than one set of footsteps might I just say, I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the cushions. I felt Pussy climb into my lap and I automatically relaxed, but I still wasn't prepared for what I thought was going to happen.
"Ryder?" Harry's voice asked hesitantly. It sounded like he was standing right beside me.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Open your eyes." he instructed.
I let out a groan. "Do I have to?"
"Yes. We'd like for you to see us an maybe talk like a normal person."
Wait. That one wasn't Harry's voice. That was someone else.... But I know that voice.
My eyes popped open and I found myself looking up at a set of bright blue eyes that belonged to none other than Niall Horan. My mouth dropped open slightly and my own blue eyes raked over his body, taking in his hoodie and sweats, before I let my gaze travel around the room. There was Louis Tomlinson in his skinny jeans and suspenders, with his arm slung over Harry's shoulder. Liam Payne was staring at one of my cat figurines with a fearful look on his face as if he thought that it might possibly come alive and bite him. He was dressed in his signature plaid button up. Go figure. And last but not least, Zayn Malik stood in the corner, slouching against the wall, wearing a black leather jacket and a pair of sunglasses. Yup. He was wearing sunglasses on a rainy day while he was standing inside.
Don't question it. Zayn Malik has swag.
"You're Niall, and you're Liam, and you're Zayn, and you're Louis, and Harry.... y-you brought all of One Direction into my home. Oh god. I'm gonna faint." I breathed as I pointed at each boy then closed my eyes again.
I heard a collection of assorted chuckles from around the room, but one voice stood out. Harry's. "Sorry Ryder. Don't fangirl. They're not staying long. They just came to pick me up, but I thought that you'd like to meet them."
I opened one eye and glared at him. "You could've warned me. It was bad enough to meet you when I'm looking like this. Now I gotta meet them too? Take them away!"
I saw Louis's playful smile as he started to speak, but I cut him off. "Don't say a word." His smile immediately dropped and he gave me a playful pout before he shrugged and mussed Harry's curls.
Harry slapped Louis's hands away then came over to me and pulled me up off of the floor. "Come on. You're a fan. You'll regret it if you don't take a picture with all of us before we leave."
"No I look like poo! I don't wanna take a picture." I argued. But it didn't matter. Harry pushed me into Louis and I felt his arms encircle my waist, holding me tightly. The rest of the boys gathered around and Harry sat a camera down on my coffee table.
"Everyone smile. It'll go off in five seconds!" Harry yelled before he pressed the button, then ran and jumped into the picture.
I smiled brightly as the camera flashed, then I immediately started pouting again. "I can't believe I got a picture with you guys while I was in my jammies."
"It's not that bad. Harry's gonna put it on twitter, but don't worry. Only about four million people will see it." Zayn said seriously.
I groaned and made a face. "That is so not funny. You all should leave now."
The boys all laughed and I felt Louis's arms twist me around then tighten into a hug. I hugged him back with a breathless laugh before he passed me to Niall, who passed me to Liam, who passed me to Zayn. Oh look at me hugging four fifths of One Direction. They all murmured "Nice to meet you"s and "Thank you for watching Harry"s before they all ran back into the rain to get into their car.
I stood at the door and watched them all run out and I have to admit that I felt a little sad. It was really weird that all of One Direction had just been in my house, but it had all happened so fast that it didn't even seem real.
"So I guess this is goodbye."
I jumped as I heard Harry's voice right beside my ear. "Uhm yeah I guess so." I mumbled.
Harry laughed and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. I hugged him back tightly. He'd only spent about an hour with me, but I felt like we were already friends. It was nice really, to go from fangirl to friend within the blink of an eye. "Thanks for letting me crash. You're pretty cool." he said.
"No problem. Thanks for putting up with me."
Harry chuckled. "It was my pleasure." he said, before placing a kiss on my forehead and running out into the rain.
I watched as he gave me a wave before ducking into the car. As soon as the car was out of sight, I closed the door and walked through the house, ready to call Lizzie and fangirl. But I stopped in my tracks when I heard my dryer beep.
Shit. He forgot his clothes. How the hell will he get them back?
My question was answered when I caught sight of a piece of paper on my coffee table. I picked it up and laughed as I read it.
"Dear Cat Woman,
If you ever need to talk or you simply want someone to play with your pussy, give me a call.
-Harry."
It had a number on it too.
I quickly typed the number into my phone then sent him a message.
"Hey Harry. It's Ryder. I just wanted you to know that you forgot your clothes."
His reply was immediate.
"I didn't 4get."
I furrowed my eyebrows as I typed out a response.
"What do you mean?"
This time, it took a few minutes to get his reply, but I couldn't stop the blush from heating my cheeks as I read the message to myself.
"I left em on purpose so I have an excuse to come see u again 2moro. & maybe I'll drop off some concert tickets while I'm at it. (;"
I didn't reply, because I was playing hard to get and all that shiz, but I smiled to myself as I tucked my phone into the waistband of my elastic shorts. Harry Styles wanted an excuse to come see me, plain old Ryder Dunn, again and he was bringing me tickets so that I could possibly see him a third time?
I guess dreams really do come true.